Joy
by Willful Redhead
Summary: A package for Hannah from home disrupts the McFadden household.
1. Chapter 1

_If you've read my stories you know I'm a big fan of Adam and Hannah, so this story is sort of mostly about them. Hannah wasn't a character you knew too much about - other than what she briefly tells Guthrie in the pilot. I made up my own back story for her. Hope you enjoy this story, as always, I appreciate your thoughts and comments._

_***7***_

Hannah leaned against the doorway. "You finish that math problem set?"

Guthrie looked up from where he was working at the table. "Yep. Crane said he'll check it later."

"What's left?"

"An essay rough draft." He looked at the instructions in front of him.

"What about? Essays make me nervous." She said looking at him carefully.

"Nothing like that. Don't worry Hannah." He said with a laugh. "Influences on your life." He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Wait! I got it!"

He read it aloud as he wrote:

_A big influence in my life right now is this essay. I can't go with my sister-in-law into town because I have to write this, which is lame because we got a notice that there's a package for her in town. So, the influence this essay has on me is a negative one._

"There." He said shutting his notebook. "Let's go."

"Guthrie." She said with one hand in her hip.

"Rough draft, Hannah." He grinned at her. "Think of all the room I've left for improvement."

"Alright, but just because I'm curious about this package. You can work on it after dinner."

They ran down the steps and out to the jeep together. She drove down the long driveway where Adam and Crane were working in the pasture. Adam lifted his hat to her waving it as they drove past.

"Did you love him right at first?" Guthrie asked her as they drove toward town.

"Pretty much." She said. "Why? You meet a girl?"

"No way! Girls are trouble!" He laughed. "Mike got a girlfriend and now he has to _ask her_ before he does anything! No thanks!"

"Just curious then." She said shifting gears.

"I guess. He never brought you around or even talked about you, so I didn't see it happen - the falling in love thing."

"It happened pretty quick." She said laughing. "He said it was the same way for your Dad and Mom. Your Dad saw her at a dance and that was it."

"I try not to look at girls." Guthrie said. "I'm always afraid I'm gonna see one and the heaven's will part and light will come down from the sky, and I'll have to get married. I wanna finish jr. high first."

Hannah laughed. "Why don't you aim for finishing college first."

"College? Han - nah! Really?"

"You're really smart Guthrie." She said.

"But I wanna be a rancher, like Adam."

"A college education would still be helpful, Guth."

"You know Hannah, it sure is a good thing I like you so much, because you're kind of pushy."

"What do you mean kind of?" She laughed as they roared through the countryside toward Murphys.

***7***

"Registered mail." Pete said. "Gotta sign your full legal name right there Hannah McFadden."

She took the pen and signed the form.

"Must be important for all this trouble." He said going into the back. He handed a small box, the size of a shoe box, to Hannah. "There you go."

"What is it?" Guthrie asked peering over her shoulder. In the eight months since she'd married Adam, Guthrie had grown two inches. He'd pass her up pretty soon; Most folks did sooner or later.

"My sister." She said. "It's from home." He couldn't quite read her expression. And he followed her out and onto Main Street.

"I thought your legal name was your full name." He said.

"It is." She said studying the box.

"But you are Hannah Joy." He said wrinkling his brow. She smiled understanding his confusion.

"I don't have a middle name, Guthrie. Adam just calls me that."

"No middle name? Why not?"

"Let's go home. Or do you want an ice cream? I don't mind."

"Yes, please." They walked to the ice cream stand together. He glanced up at her from time to time.

"I'm sorry." He said. "It isn't my business."

"No, I'm sorry Guth." She reached out and rubbed his cheek. She was always doing stuff like that. It killed him. She was such a girl.

"My mother left my middle name up to my father and the only one he'd picked out was Andrew. But it didn't really match with Hannah." She sighed trying _not_ thinking about her father.

"That's pretty stupid. He wanted a boy so he wouldn't give you a middle name?" Guthrie reached the front of the line. "Strawberry." He glanced at Hannah and she shook her head. "Just the one." He said to the girl behind the counter."

He handed over his money and accepted the ice cream cone. They walked over to a bench where they sat down.

"It is your business." She told him. "We're family. I just don't like to talk about it."

"Why not?" He looked up at her.

"My dad wasn't like Adam." She explained. "He wasn't . . ." She sighed trying to find a gentle way to put it. "He wasn't very nice. He drank. He drank a lot."

"Oh." Guthrie said eating his ice cream. "Want some?" He asked her.

"No thanks." She said looking down at the box.

"Why don't you open it?" He asked her.

"Too scared." She admitted with a laugh. "I'll wait til we get home."

"Why Hannah _Joy_?" He asked.

"You'd have to ask him." She said smiling.

***7***

She didn't open it when they got home, saying she had to make dinner, which was true, but then again it only took a minute or two to open a box. Guthrie was becoming very curious. Hannah was a mystery to him. He liked her, loved her, in fact. He had run out to meet Adam that one Saturday, not so long ago hoping for some candy. He always brought Guthrie candy, and there she was standing beside him.

"_We got married this afternoon." Adam said sheepishly. "What do you think of that?"_

And shocked Guthrie had run inside to tell Brian. He couldn't believe it. Married! Guthrie watched her as he led her around the house. She was pretty, he could tell, but why would Adam marry her?

Having a girl around the house was like having an alien visit from outer space. She made them put things away, and clean things up. And now he took a bath every single night. She cooked a million times better than Brian, and made pies, cakes and cookies all the time. Hannah hummed when she worked, was almost always smiling, and was quick to laugh. Her skin was soft and she smelled of flowers, and when he was sick or sad, she always knew it. He worried about her sometimes, like after the baby, or when she'd had bronchitis, which had turned to pneumonia after she'd come looking for him in the rain. He _still_ felt guilty about that. He was worried about her now, in fact. She seemed upset, but the worst kind of upset, the kind where she pretended like she wasn't upset.

He wandered outside acting like he wasn't going anywhere in particular, but knowing he was going straight to Adam. He found him in the barn, putting his saddle away and brushing out Chief.

"Hey! Get all that homework finished?" Adam asked.

"I'm done." Guthrie said reaching out and rubbing Chief's nose.

"Finished, Guthrie. Things are done, people are finished." His older brother corrected him.

"Whatever." Guthrie said. Adam looked at him while he brushed out Chief's flank.

"Something bothering you?"

"Hannah doesn't have a middle name." He said which was a pretty odd way to start a conversation when he thought about it.

"Nope." He said. "She doesn't."

"But you call her Hannah Joy." He looked up at his brother.

"Yep." He said looking down at the horse, and not Guthrie. "I do."

Guthrie said nothing, realizing that it was a harder conversation than he expected.

"You got a question in there somewhere?" Adam asked leaning on the big horse.

"She said her father wouldn't pick out a girl's middle name, so that's why she doesn't have one."

"Yeah." Adam said turning and lifting his saddle and putting it away.

"She said he wasn't nice." Guthrie looked up at Adam.

"Guthrie," Adam said putting a hand on his shoulder. "This seems like a sitting down conversation and my feet are killing me. Come on." He led his brother into their father's office. The only part of the ranch that they'd left pretty much untouched. A picture of their mother sat on the desk. Adam sat at the chair at the desk, and Guthrie sat in the old leather club chair that sat beside it.

"I gotta tell you Guthrie, I'm not a real big fan of Hannah's father. He wasn't nice to her. So, why all the questions?" Adam said.

"The package she got was from her sister. It was from home, she said. She hasn't opened it."

Adam sighed and studied his younger brother. "Yeah?" He asked.

"Yeah." Guthrie said.

"You're worried?" Adam asked. Guthrie nodded. Adam sat silently for a long time. One thing he'd learned was that Guthrie was a really good observer - especially when it came to Hannah. And if he was worried, there was probably a pretty good reason to be worried about her. He looked at his baby brother who sat watching him, chewing the inside of his lip. He remembered with shame how angry he'd been at his mother when she'd announced she was going to have another baby. He couldn't imagine his life without Guthrie. He smiled at his brother.

"You are a very good son, you know that Guthrie. She's lucky to have you." He kissed Guthrie's forehead, and rising said, "I'll take care of her. I promise."

"I know that, Adam." Guthrie looked up at his brother. "Why Joy?"

"She is joyful, don't you think?" Adam said smiling and Guthrie nodded his agreement. "She gives me joy." He shrugged blushing. "It fits."

"She should get her name changed, legally." Guthrie said thoughtfully.

Adam smiled and reaching out mussed his little brother's hair.

"Thanks, Guth for keeping an eye on her." He said. "I appreciate it." And Guthrie blushed with pride.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, what was it?" Adam asked casually, leaning against the counter and sneaking a few slices of apple.

"I haven't opened it yet?" She said not meeting his eyes.

"Why not?" He asked trying not to sound too pushy.

"Because I'm trying to get dinner on." She said irritated.

"Doesn't take a minute to open a package." He said.

"I haven't got a minute." She said turning from the stove and pulling the milk out of the fridge.

"Hey," He said reaching out and holding her arm gently. "What is it?"

"Not right now," She said looking at him, and he could see tears hiding in her eyes. "Please?"

"Okay." He said slowly. "Can I . . ." He moved to put his arms around her but she ducked under his arm and stepped away.

"No." She said looking back at him, and he tried not to feel hurt, but he did just a little. "Can you get me some cukes from the garden? Do you mind?" He shook his head at her, and turned to go out the back steps. "Hey, Rancher Man!" She called to him, and he paused to turn back and look at her. "Thanks."

"Least I can do for my girl." He said with a wink, understanding that she was apologizing. He turned down the steps and went out to the garden.

Brian was on the back porch, trying to knock the mud out of his boots. "A man's work is never done." He said watching Adam go into the garden.

"That reminds me, did you ever get that windbreak fixed?" Adam asked.

"Top of my list for tomorrow." Brian said with a grin. "Hey, tell Hannah that I won't be here for dinner. I got a date."

"With a woman?" Adam asked surprised.

"Don't be mean." Brian said laughing.

"You tell her." Adam said.

"No, she'll ask all kinds of questions. Please?" Brian fairly begged.

"You are a chicken, you know that? You are scared to death of a woman who is barely five and half feet tall, and maybe weighs a hundred pounds. You used to be so tough."

"Hey, you're one to talk. You tell her you squashed her rose bushes yet?" Brian said laughing.

"There weren't any witnesses. No one can say for sure what happened." Adam said picking two good-sized cucumbers. Still laughing he went back into the kitchen and washed the cucumbers.

"Want me to chop 'em up for you lady?" He asked.

"Thanks." She said.

"Brian won't be home for dinner. He's got a date." He said.

"With a girl?" Daniel asked coming into the kitchen and stealing a fingerful of mashed potatoes.

"That's what I said." Adam said laughing.

"You boys are terrible." Hannah said.

"I'll set the table." Daniel said taking a stack of plates from Hannah's hands.

"Thanks." She said.

"I'm gonna miss dinner though. Can you save me a plate? We gotta rehearse early tonight. Is that roast I smell? I don't want to miss your roast, Hannah."

She smiled at her brother-in-law. "I'll save you a plate." She said. "Don't worry."

"Thanks, Sis." He said and turning back to the stove, Adam could see her blush. Whenever his brothers called her that, it never failed to make her blush.

She avoided the topic of the package all through dinner and spent the evening busy - dishes, laundry, sewing; whatever it took to keep her away from him. He could have laughed. She was so stubborn.

_We sleep in the same bed_. He thought laughing. Sooner or later, she'd be unable to avoid him. He did not, however, count on one of the lambs cutting it's leg on some barbed wire. He spent the evening helping Crane sew up the cut and clean it. He was filthy when he came in and after a shower, he discovered she was already in bed, asleep.

"Hannah?" He whispered. "Honey?" She didn't move, and frustrated he rolled over and fell asleep.

***7***

Hannah waited until Adam was snoring before she climbed out of bed. She could see the box sitting on her dresser. She sighed. The easiest thing in the world would be to just open it and get it all over with, but she was filled with an irrational fear. She thought coming here, to Murphys, she'd left all of that behind her. She had left with very little - not much more than clothes on her back, hoping to leave the past behind. Meeting Adam, she had been swept up into their world and their family, that had it's own kind of baggage. She loved hearing the stories of their loving parents and felt a strong connection to them, even though they had been dead and buried for a decade before she'd come along. She never really even thought of her father, except to note occasionally that Adam was nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing like her father.

She threw on some clothes and tiptoed down the stairs, and out the front door. She hadn't really thought of where she was headed and hadn't really noticed that she'd grabbed the box, tucking it under her arm. She walked about two miles to a rise of a hill that looked out over the meadows and mountains beyond. She clutched the lantern that she'd grabbed off the hook in the barn, it's yellow glow giving her just enough light for each footstep.

She stopped at a large oak that had been planted by Adam's great-grandfather. If she turned to look behind her, she could see the barn and white house far in the distance. Even from this great distance, the house was such a comfort to her. It was the only house that she had ever lived in, other than when she was a child. Her mother had taken her from apartment to apartment. They'd moved in and out of trailers, living with friends, getting settled only to pack and move again. She loved the house with its big white porch. She loved even more what that house meant; she was home at last.

She stood under the oak and could see the small grove of trees just beyond where Adam had once lifted her up into his arms, and after spreading out his jacket on the ground, they had made love under a bright blue sky. She sighed thinking of all the goodness that her life held now. She had a husband who loved her, and family united together and strong. It hadn't been easy to win his brothers to her, but she had - even Brian. She didn't need to think about the past anymore. She didn't _want_ to think about the past anymore. She was no longer waiting in a dark closet alone, praying no one would open the door.

But, she also knew she'd have to face it sooner or later, and knowing Adam, she also knew that he'd never let her face it alone. She looked again at the box, and realized that it appeared to have an envelope taped to the bottom of it. She pulled it free and turning it over recognized her sister's writing.

_Dear Hannah,_

_I've had this for years now. I thought I should send it, even though I know you probably don't want it. He gave it to me, to give to you someday. You never even tried to understand him. He didn't want to drink. He couldn't help it and if you could only just . . ._

She crumpled it up refusing to read anymore. Her sister always defended him - even when he'd hit her. She sighed trying to push down the rising anger she felt. She turned at the sound of a footstep.

"You scared me a little." He said. "I couldn't find you at first." She looked up at him, and wanted to run into his arms and forget all about the stupid box and a past that seemed determined to hunt her down. He had dressed, but had left his hat behind.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize I had gone so far. It wasn't very thoughtful of me."

"Well, you got other things on your mind." He said. He took off his jacket and spread it out on the ground, and taking her hand, he pulled her down to sit beside him. From where they sat, they could look out over the canyon below. The sky was bright with stars. He held out his hand. "Can I read it?"

She handed it to him, and he flattened it back out. Reading it, he sighed again.

"Peter makes more sense to me now." He said. Her sister's husband Peter was not someone that Hannah or Adam liked. They had met up a few months ago, and although he never said one negative word to her, Hannah knew Adam didn't like him one bit. Neither did she.

"She's not used to being treated with kindness, is she? She's a hurt child still." He said looking at her. He reached out to touch the side of her face. "Sometimes, so are you."

She turned toward him then. "I'm no child and he has no hold on me, not anymore." She said with great fire. "Besides, he's dead. I don't care what he sent!" She kicked the box and it rolled a few feet from them.

"You thinking I'm taking up his side?" He looked at her. "If he and I ever met, I would have wrapped my hands around his neck and . . ." She was surprised by how angry he sounded. "I'd make him get on his hands and knees and apologize to you, and then I'd beat him."

She smiled at the thought. "No, you wouldn't." She said softly. "You aren't violent like him. You would defend me if he came at me, but you'd never attack." She squeezed his fingers. "It doesn't matter anyway. He's dead."

They sat together in silence and he waited. He had learned that he couldn't really push her - not when it came to this. She bore a deep wound, deeper than his really. He had lost people who he had loved, and who had loved him dearly. But his relationship with his parents had been solid. When they had been put into the earth, he knew that they loved him, and was equally confident that they knew he loved them. Her father had left her standing in her front yard calling to him to come back. He never did.

"I'm too scared to open it." She confessed at last. "I don't want to feel any of this. I'm happy. I have a family now." She looked at him and the moonlight shone on the tears that shimmered in her eyes.

"You don't have to open it. I don't care. You think I care? You do what feels right, Hannah - just don't hide from me. It's my job to be right here. You aren't alone anymore."

She drew in a breath, and then moved into his arms. He didn't know why her sobbing against his chest, should make him feel better, but it did. All afternoon, he had been frustrated as she pushed him away over and over. He could see how lost and hurt she was, but she wouldn't let him so much as touch her hand. He hated that she was so brokenhearted but at least now she was letting him comfort her.

She wiped her eyes and moved away from him. "I'm done with crying over him." She stood up her fists balled. "I'm happy. You named me." She said pointing at him as he rose. "You named me Joy." She turned and held the box in her hands moving to toss it out over the edge and sending it tumbling into the canyon, but she couldn't release it. She couldn't let go of it.

She fell to the grass still holding it and he knelt beside her whispering softly as she continued to weep.

"If you want," He said very gently his hands covering hers. "I'll open it with you."


	3. Chapter 3

_If you want, I'll open it with you_.

Adam's words had sent her spiraling into a powerful grief and she had sobbed, until at last, he'd carried her home - two miles. She couldn't believe how destroyed she'd become over a stupid box from her past. They hadn't even opened it, and she was destroyed. She awoke late in the morning with bright sun shining in on her, and sat up surprised that no one had awoken her. There was a note beside her and she smiled seeing his small, tight writing.

_Hannah Joy,_

_Don't you dare step out of this bed until at least 10 a.m. You must be worn out. The boys think you've got a cold and everyone believes me except that son of yours. He is hard to fool - must take after you._

_I'll be out most of the day, but if you need me, Crane can find me, or shoot off one of the flares. I'll see no matter where I'm at, and I'll come running back to you. Nothing would keep me away._

_I put it up and away in the closet, for whenever you are ready. I didn't want you to have to look at it._

_I love you, girl._

_Your,_

_Rancher Man_

_A_

She held it close to her smiling. Now, _that_ was a letter she didn't mind opening. She glanced to the top shelf of the closet, as she dressed and could see it there, but closing the door to her room she vowed not to think about it.

She was surprised to see Guthrie in the kitchen.

"You should be at school." She said.

"Missed the bus." He said looking down.

"You missed it on purpose." He looked up at her with big puppy eyes. She shook her head at him.

"What am I gonna do with you?" She asked and he shrugged.

"I was worried." He said. "That's all. I'd never cut school for a stupid reason."

She sighed and reaching out lifted his chin with her hand. "Alright then, you can help me. I was going to put up some of those cukes. We'll make pickles."

"Canning?" He asked looking disappointed.

"I could always drive you into town." She offered.

"No, I like canning." He said.

"Good. Go out to the barn and get me a box of jars." She said with a grin. "They were on a shelf on the far wall, but if you can't find them, there might be some in the shed."

Guthrie dashed outside, but smiled. She seemed better. He should have known. One thing he knew for sure, Adam would make sure Hannah was alright.

"What the hell?" He heard Adam say. "Why aren't you in school? Guthrie!" Guthrie skidded to a stop in front of his older brother who had just come into the barn.

"I missed the bus?" Guthrie said but it came out more like a question.

"You can't do that." Adam said. "You have to trust me. I told you I'd look after her."

"_You_ said she had a cold." Guthrie said a hand on his hip.

"I told _them_ she had a cold. You can't keep worrying about her." Adam said.

"I don't like it." Guthrie said. "What's in that damn box?" He didn't mean to curse but it made him angry. He didn't like how upset that stupid box had made her.

"I don't know. We haven't opened it." He sighed. They stared each other down, and Guthrie didn't know why he was so argumentative. He knew Adam was on her side just like he was. He was frustrated. He couldn't understand why a box would cause so much trouble. Hannah was finally feeling better again. Things had been pretty tough after the baby. Why did this stupid box have to come along?

"He was mean?" Guthrie asked. "I don't understand."

"I'm glad you don't understand." He looked at his little brother. "He drank."

"Like Stormy?" Guthrie asked.

"Yeah, but he wasn't nice like Stormy. He got angry. He was mean and then he left and never, ever came back."

"I can't imagine what that would feel like." And Adam smiled at his brother who was compassionate enough to try and put himself in her shoes. "She was ten?" Guthrie asked.

"Yeah. Her sister went with him and she never saw him or talked to him again. She didn't see her sister again until her mother's funeral."

"He was angry? And he drank?" Guthrie's eyes grew wide. "Adam, did he hurt her? He didn't hit her, did he?" It was times like this that made Guthrie seem so much younger than twelve going on thirteen. Despite the fact that he was technically an orphan, Guthrie had grown up surrounded by love. The world's cruelties had been kept from him.

"I don't know, kid. I think maybe . . ." He hesitated knowing how much the truth would upset him. Hannah spoke of her past very rarely, and Adam had learned to read between the lines. "I think maybe he did. She's never said so, but . . ." _Ah, hell! _ Guthrie always managed to worm everything out of him. "She used to hide, in her closet to be away from him."

Guthrie dropped the box of jars he was holding and they landed with a crash. He looked down at the broken glass, startled.

"I'm sorry, Adam, I wasn't . . ." He sprang into action then grabbing a broom and sweeping up the mess. Adam held a dustpan and they dumped it all in the trash. But Adam took him by the arm then and pulled him into their father's office.

"Hey, hey." Adam said pulling Guthrie into his arms. "Shh. Shh. Don't cry. She's okay now. It was a long time ago." Guthrie hadn't even realized that he'd been crying but safe in Adam's arms he shook with tears.

"How could he hurt her? How could anyone?" He looked up at Adam.

"You are asking the wrong man Guthrie. I don't know. It makes me cry too, to even think of it." He kissed the top of Guthrie's head. "That's why it is so hard for her now. She can't open that box. It is from him."

"Let's burn it." Guthrie said angry.

"We can't do that. It's _her _box. She has to decide."

"I hate him! I hate her sister for sending it. Why? Why did she do that?" Guthrie asked.

"I don't know." Adam said. "She's a strong woman, though Guthrie. She can get through it. You don't have to cut school and baby her. She made it pretty far without us, and you know her. She's happy."

"She's Joy." Guthrie said looking up at his brother and Adam nodded amazed that Guthrie could understand so much.

"Yeah." Adam said.

"Just because she's strong enough to stand alone, doesn't mean she should." Guthrie said protectively.

"She isn't alone. We are the same person, Guthrie. That's what being married is. She's part of me and I'm part of her. If she's hurt so am I. I'd never leave her to face it alone."

"I know that" Guthrie said looking straight into Adam's eyes. "But she's my mother and I have to protect her."

Adam smiled, tears filling his dark eyes. "Yeah, I know that too." He said hugging Guthrie to him. "And you are such a good son."

Guthrie stepped away from Adam, wiping his face with his sleeve. "I gotta go back. She's waiting for those jars." He grabbed another box of them from the shelf, and started to carry them back to the house, but paused looking back at his brother.

"I'm only a good son, because you taught me how to be one. No one could be a better son than you." He turned then, and went into the house.


	4. Chapter 4

The box stayed where it was all that week, and Hannah seemed to regain her equilibrium. They didn't speak of it though, and Adam knew that when she was ready, they would have to face it. It had been a busy week. Daniel's band was playing in a talent show near Fresno, and they had all driven to see them. They had won third place which had made everyone, except Daniel proud. Adam knew Daniel had expected to win, and was brokenhearted. It was Hannah who pointed out to him that out of thirty-seven bands, third place was pretty impressive. Still he moped around for the rest of the week, and Brian had do half his chores just because he was so slow moving. Adam finally had to reprimand him.

"You aren't a child Daniel! I know you are sad you didn't win, but you didn't lose either." Adam told him early one morning. "You did really well, and you know it."

"I just . . ." Daniel began.

"No. You did well, but I can't have you moping around here like you just lost your best friend. It doesn't set a good example for the little guys. You don't pout when you don't win. You keep going. And I can't have Brian covering for you and doing all your chores! I need you to do your job. I'm counting on you to do your job!"

"I guess." Daniel said.

"You guess?" Adam was starting to lose his compassion for Daniel. Enough was enough. "Hey! You aren't a kid! I need you to do a man's work, and if you can't manage that, I need to know. We can bring in outside help if we have to, but I'd rather that Circle Bar Seven was run by the seven of us - not some outsiders for hire."

"Alright!" Daniel said equally irritated. "I get it. Lay off man!" And he stormed off, but he'd stormed off to do his chores.

Adam had felt guilty about losing his temper, but then again, Daniel was hard at work at last. He went inside to let Hannah know the days schedule. She wasn't in the kitchen. He checked the tiny laundry room, but she wasn't there either. He went upstairs.

He had put the box at the top of their closet because he knew after that night, that she wasn't ready to open it. He was pretty sure that eventually she would, but it wasn't going to be right away. He hadn't really thought about where he'd put it though. He'd just tucked it away out of sight. It was only now, stepping into the doorway and seeing her standing there frozen that he'd realized what he'd done.

She stood in front of the closet, the box at her feet. Maybe she'd gone to get it, and it had fallen, or maybe she'd thrown it down. Whatever had happened, in the process she'd discovered it. He felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. He let out a sound somewhere between a cry and a moan, and she turned toward him.

"I was . . ." He swallowed a lump in his throat. "I was gonna give it to you after the race." He said. "It was mine. My mother made it." He wanted to step closer to her, but found he couldn't move.

She held it delicately in her fingers, a tiny suit made of soft blue cotton. It had a little bear on the front which his mother had hand embroidered. It was beautiful and horrible all at the same time.

"It's so sweet, Adam. That would have been so . . ." She said softly in a voice he didn't even recognize.

"I'm sorry. I should have put it back in the attic, but I forgot about it. I was . . ." He was wrecked truthfully. He still was if he were completely honest. He would think about it from time to time. She'd be about five months pregnant now. They hadn't planned to have a baby right away, but when she'd told him she was pregnant, he had been overwhelmed with joy. He hadn't known how much he looked forward to being a father, and this time on his own terms.

"You don't have to be sorry." She said and he was horrified to find that it was he, who was crying, not her. "Hey, shh." She said wrapping her arms around him "It's okay, Adam. It's alright."

"I . . .I don't know why I'm . . ." He drew in a deep breath, pushing the tears back down.

"Don't do that." She said. "It's okay, you can go ahead." She told him finding a strength within to help him.

"No, you're the one who . . ." He took in another deep breath. "I'm sorry. I just . . . there was about an hour or two there where we didn't know, you know, if you'd still be . . .It scared me. It terrified me. I can't recover from another great loss, you know?" She nodded.

"You could, Adam." She said gently.

"No, I couldn't." He corrected her. "And it was only later, that I really began to think about how much I was sorry about the baby because mostly, at first, I was just happy to have you still."

She nodded. "I can understand that."

"But I did want that baby." He said to her, and then he was sorry because her eyes filled with tears.

"I know that." She said. "You are already a good father, Adam. And later, you will be just as good to our own children."

"Yeah." He said lifting her chin and kissing her. "Our babies will be beautiful and sweet because of you." She laughed then, and kissing him once more, she turned from him. She folded the little suit and tucked it away in her top dresser drawer.

"That was sweet of you," She said sitting on their bed. "It would've made me cry."

"Well, I'm a sweet guy." He said leaning against the wall and smiling at her.

"That's what the cattle tell me." She grinned at him. He leaned over and picked the box up off the floor.

"Were you looking for it?" He asked her, holding it in his fingers.

"I don't know." She said, and immediately he could sense the heaviness that surrounded her.

"I can put it in the barn or the attic if you want."

"No." She said. And he sat beside her on the bed, the box in his lap.

"I don't have to be anywhere just now." He said.

"Don't push me, Adam." She said.

"No, I'm just saying, I'm here if you want."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap." She rose and went to the window looking out over the ranch. "I tried to leave it all behind. I'm not that girl anymore. I don't want to think about it, or be her." She said turning to look at him. He said nothing.

"Whatever is in that box won't change who you are Hannah. You are Hannah Joy, that is the truth of it. It certainly won't change how I see you. You are my girl and that's it. You know that."

"He was . . .I wanted to make him proud of me. I wanted him to see me, and say, 'Oh, I can't drink anymore. Look at this little girl, I got. She's wonderful. I won't drink because of her.'" She sat down on the window seat looking small.

"You are wonderful, and he should have stopped drinking just for you."

"That isn't how it works." She said.

He crossed the room and sat beside her finally brave enough to ask, "Did he hit you?"

"Mostly he hit my mother, but sometimes, he did." Her voice was quieter than a whisper and everything he'd eaten that morning began to turn in his stomach.

"He hit you." He said again.

"I would stay in my closet but sometimes, he would chase me down, cursing and yelling." She looked up at him with her soft, beautiful eyes. "My house wasn't like yours. It was never, ever like yours."

"I'm so sorry." He said scooting closer to her. "If I could travel backwards through time, I'd . . ."

"I know." She said. "You know it's funny, but the thing you thought would scare me the most, is probably the thing that I find the most attractive about you."

"What?" He asked.

"Your brothers." She said. "You staying and choosing to raise them. I love that about you. I know you would do whatever you had to take care of our children, to take care of me. You are a father, Adam, and not just to Guthrie. You are a father to them all, and I know you don't like it when they call you dad, but it is probably your truest name."

"I don't know about that." He said blushing. He looked at her. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" She asked.

"We were talking about you, not me." He pointed out.

"I don't like my story. Your story is better."

"He was a jackass, Hannah." He said gently. "I know he was your father, and that you love him, but . . ."

"I don't love him!" She said angry.

"Yeah, you do." He said. "You don't want to, but you do. You can't help it."

She said nothing and he could feel the fight within her. "You love him because of who _you _ are not because of who he was. I could just have easily named you Hannah Love. You are loving." She looked up at him skeptically. "You need proof? You name me another woman who would have stayed and helped raise and love my brothers, after the way I treated you."

"Adam . . ." She said.

"No, seriously. It wasn't right. You should have been furious."

"I was." She pointed out.

"For fifteen seconds, and then your loving nature took over." She sighed, shaking her head at him.

"I guess a part of me wants to love him, but mostly it just pains me to even think about it. I look at Guthrie and the way he leans into you, especially when he's worried or sad or tired. I look at how Daniel just swells with pride when you praise him. I can see how it is supposed to be, how it should have been for me. When you raise your hand, they turn toward you to hear what you are about to say. When he raised his hand, I ducked to make sure it didn't hit me."

"What if the box was him saying sorry?"

"I thought of that." She said softly. "I don't know if I could forgive him."

"I don't think I can." He said, surprising her. "I know I can't, Hannah, but this box isn't about me. It's about you." He reached out to touch her hair and she said nothing for a long time.

"Guthrie's been pestering me. He gets so worried about you. He wanted to know why a box could cause so much trouble. And he's such a good observer. He can read you better than I can, I think."

"What did you tell him?" She asked.

"The same things you had: That he wasn't nice, and that he drank. That he left and never came back."

"But he knows about the rest." She said softly.

"I think so. He asked me if he'd hit you, and I told him I didn't know for sure, and then he cried." Adam said.

"He cried?" She asked.

"He loves you so much, girl. You are right when you say you aren't that girl anymore. You aren't. She was alone, but you are not alone. Any one of these boys would step in if he were to ever lay a finger on you. Hell, they'd step in if he just spoke unkindly to you." He looked at her. "You can leave that box up on that shelf, put it in the attic, burn it, I don't care. But opening it won't change you back into her. She's long gone, sweetheart, and Hannah Joy, well, she's beloved."

She studied him with her large, eyes for a long time, saying nothing. And then at last she spoke, and when she did, the weakness and fear was gone from her voice.

"Okay." She said. "I'm ready. Let's open it."


	5. Chapter 5

The first thing she saw when she opened it, was an empty whisky bottle. Just the sight of the bottle alone was enough to bring a flood of memories. The smell of it nearly drove her to toss it across the room and climb into the closet. She set it aside with shaking fingers.

"Honey?" Adam asked seeing how pale she was.

"I'm okay." She said. She lifted out a brown leather Bible and flipping through the pages she could see it was well-marked. There was a bookmark in it, but she set it aside without turning to the page, looking first to see what else the box contained.

There were three photographs. The first must have been the one they took at the hospital when she was born, and even she had to smile seeing herself so small. Adam took it from her and laughed.

"You were cute." He said to her.

"I was fat." She said looking at the picture. He flipped it over. _Hannah Moss_ it said in loopy handwriting.

"No middle name." She said looking at him.

She looked to be about three in the second picture. She was sitting on a tricycle, leaning on the handlebars. She wasn't smiling but rather appeared to be irritated with whoever was taking the picture, a scowl across her face. The little girl in the picture seemed angry. She seemed lost. It made her sad.

Adam lifted the picture from her fingers, looking closely at it. He studied it, and then looked at her. He surprised her by looking at the picture one more time, and then his face exploded in a grin.

"Oh! You look like trouble! I know this girl!" Adam said laughing. "She's the one who convinces my brothers to clean their rooms! Don't mess with her!" She laughed too, surprised that he could make her see the picture so differently.

The last picture made her cry. She was maybe eight or nine, and she was sitting on her father's lap. She wasn't looking at the camera, but at him. The look of admiration and love in the little girl's face was heartbreaking. He was looking away - both from the camera and from her. He held a bottle in his hand. She dropped the photo on the bed, as though holding it burned her fingers. She hung her head making no sound at all as tears ran down her face.

Adam moved the box out of the way, and put an arm around her. He said nothing, but simply sat with her as she cried. He could see the box held only one other thing; a folded up piece of paper. It was no doubt a letter. He waited until she wiped her face with her hand, and then gently handed her the paper.

"I can't. . ." She said so softly that he had to lean in to hear her. "I can't read it."

"Okay." He said taking it and putting it back in the box.

"No." She said. "Would you . . .would you read it to me?" She asked him. He honestly didn't know if he could. If her father's words were hurtful, there was no way he could say them.

"I'll try." He told her honestly. "Are you ready?" She nodded.

He began, his voice soft and kind.

_Hannah,_

_If I were you, I wouldn't read this. Not ever. I've got no right to send you anything at all. Grace says you are pretty mad at me, and I think maybe you must hate me. You should hate me. _

_I got no right to you at all, not even to send this letter to you, but I did it just the same._

_I started drinking because I was too weak to shoulder my responsibilities or face my failures. I couldn't run your grandfather's ranch, and was too ashamed to admit it. I'm no rancher. I'm no good at much of anything. And I sure as hell was no good at being a husband or a father. None of those are excuses for the things I did. I just wanted you to know I didn't start out trying to be a drunk. It's just where I ended up._

_I sent you that bottle of whiskey because it is the last one I ever drank. I ain't touched anything in seventy-two days, which is a record for me. I won't get much more days than that though because I'm dying. It's my own damn fault. If I were my liver, I'd have quit ages ago. I'm at a hospice house in Denver. It is run by priests and they are good to me. Father Michael sits with me every day, and has pushed me to confess my sins, and pray for forgiveness. I sent you the Bible he gave me. I wanted you to have it because it has all the answers inside._

_The pictures are ones that I've kept with me all my life long. I had wanted to be buried with them, but then I realized I don't really deserve to have those photos of you. I was no father to you, not ever. You can see it in that one of you and me together. You are looking so happy, but I'm looking away waiting til the picture is done so I can take another drink. I see that picture now, and want to punch that bastard in the face. He didn't deserve to have a happy little daughter like you._

_Father Michael's says that absolution cannot be easily won, and I think that must be true. It should be hard for me. I made a lot of people's lives difficult and painful. I hurt you and I hurt your mother and your sister, and then I left you. I can still hear the sound of your voice calling to me as I left. It has always haunted me; Your big eyes looking at me with tears._

_I sure hope you aren't crying over me no more. I hope someday, you'll find someone who will love you and treat you like you should be treated. You deserve to be loved and cared for - all the things I never did. Stay away from anyone who reminds you of me - even if it is only a little bit. I hope you are happy all the rest of your days, and that no one ever hurts you like I did._

_You were the happiest little baby. You were always smiling and laughing - even when I was yelling. And I was such a . . . I should've given you a name like your mama wanted. What a cruel thing I did - not to even name you. I suppose it is too late now, but I wanted to make some things right, so I put it in that bible - you look and see on the family page. I put it in there. I know I got no right to name you now, but I wanted to. You can tear the page and burn it if you want, but at least I could go back and fix that one thing._

_I sent this to you to say that I am sorry, which I know is too little and way too late. You never should've had to run and hide from me. I never should have hit you. I never should have hit your mother. I never should have left you. I never should have lifted that damn bottle to my lips. So I ask your forgiveness even though I don't deserve it, and I hope that you can at least be free of me. You were right to stay away from me. Grace was a fool to tag along - she thought she could save me, but only One can do that._

_I put Father Michael's number here at the bottom. He said he'd speak with you, if you want. He is with me all the time, and I asked him to look this letter over. I didn't want to hurt you more than I already did. He approved it all -except for the cursing. _

_I know I got no rights to you at all. You don't owe me a damn thing, and me I got a debt I can't possibly ever pay off, but I can only pray that my savior's death will cover over my multitude of sins. Keep all these things. Burn them. Do whatever is best for you. I only want, for the very first time in my life, for you to do what is best for you because a father should always, always put his child first._

_James Andrew Moss_

Adam managed to finish it but only just barely. He felt a conflicting rage, and thankfulness. At least, at least he acknowledged what a horrible, horrible excuse for a man he had been. It should have made him feel better to know that at the very end, he understood how badly he hurt Hannah, and yet his strongest emotion was a simmering rage at the man who had left her standing alone, crying for him. He sighed, and looked at his wife. She was so damn beautiful, and sweet and kind. He couldn't bear to think that her father had hurt her even more - and worse that Adam had been the one to read his words to her. He couldn't read her expression at all. He didn't know what she thought.

"Hannah Joy," He found his voice was husky. He had wanted to say something profound, but couldn't think of anything at all. He only wanted to envelope her somehow and protect her. "You alright, girl?"

"I . . .I can't even think." She said very softly. "I feel all mixed up inside. I'm angry and sad, and grateful and confused. Grace never told me he quit drinking. She never said he was at a hospice. I could've . . ." She turned away from him. "I don't know." She reached for the Bible opening it to the place he had marked.

"Adam!" She said dropping it to the ground. She had turned white and looked as though she might faint.

"Hannah?" He asked putting his arms around her.

"Look. Look! He named me." She said in a whisper. "Look."

He lifted the Bible and opened it again looking at the list of births. Her sister's name was written in shaky handwriting, and then just beneath it was her name.

Hannah Joy Moss

The name Joy was underlined twice in red ink. His eyes grew wide and he turned to look at her.

"Sweetheart?"

"You gave me that name. _You_ did." She said and he could hear all the pent up tears she'd been keeping inside since he read the letter. "The first time you called me that, you didn't even know what you were doing."

"I said it without thinking, well that isn't true. I said it because you bring me such joy."

She closed her eyes briefly, and rubbed her face with her hands. "I don't know how to feel."

She rose and stood at the window again, looking out. He carefully folded up the letter, tucked the note back inside the Bible, and put everything back into the box. He rose and went to her, standing just behind her, unsure what to do. She reached for his arms then, wrapping them around her.

"You named me first." She said leaning into him. "I don't know what to think. I don't know what to feel."

"You don't have to know just yet." He said. "It is kind of a shock."

"It is." She said. "I expected . . . I thought he could never change." He said nothing but kissed her cheek.

"It doesn't change the past." She said.

"No." He agreed.

"I'll wait to think about it." She said cautiously. "I don't think I can manage it just yet. Do you think that's bad?"

He felt as though he'd been punched in the stomach. "Baby, ain't nothing about you that's bad. You can feel however you want. You got a right. You aren't still trying to be a good girl?" He decided that rage would win over thankfulness. Even now, even in this, she wanted to please her father.

"I just. . . I don't want to be cold-hearted. I don't want to be jaded. I want to do right - for my own sake, not for his. I swore I wouldn't let him decide who I was gonna be." She turned in his arms and lay her head against his chest. And thinking about it, he realized that it was she who was the orphan and not him or his brothers. His parents were gone, but he and his brothers had never been alone - they had always had one another. But she had been solitary her whole life long, starting with a man who had refused to give her a middle name, until he was on his deathbed looking back at his pathetic life. He held her in his arms knowing that for the rest of his days, he would do everything in his power to see that this wound would heal so well, no one could even see the scar.

"Can I work with you today?" She asked him after a long time.

"Sure. We're tagging cows later. I could always use another cowboy."

She stayed where she was in the circle of his arms, but looked up into his face saying, "I feel safe when I am here."

"Good." He said kissing the top of her head.

***7***

Brian was surprised to see Hannah at Adam's side, when he met him at the corral.

"Got an extra hand today." Adam said.

"Oh! A greenhorn! We'll give you all the fun jobs!" Brian said laughing. "Better put your gloves on, Sis."

She slid the gloves he'd handed her, over her soft fingers. "Go ahead and give me your worst," She said. "I can take it."

"She's tough enough, you think?" Brian asked Adam.

"Hell, yeah." Adam said realizing that she had once again forgotten to wear a hat. He put his hat on her head to keep the sun off her, and winked at her as he did. "She's more than tough enough."

"Damn straight." Brian agreed, and the three of them set to work.


	6. Chapter 6

Guthrie knew she had opened it as soon as he walked in the room. She was humming as she pulled a dutch apple pie out of the oven. The whole house smelled of it. She smiled seeing him.

"There you are. Why did you take the late bus?" She asked him as he sat at the kitchen table with one eye on the pie.

"I stayed so Mr. Whedon could help me with my essay. He didn't like the rough draft." He grinned at her.

"Well, it left room for improvement that's for sure." He studied her. She seemed as though she'd been browned by the sun.

"You work the ranch today?" He asked her.

"I helped your brothers some. How can you tell? Do I smell like cows?" Her eyes widened horrified.

"Nah, you smell like you. You look sun-tanned. Why did you make the pie?" He asked her.

"I had apples." She said turning back to the stove to check on dinner.

"Hannah McFadden, you are a terrible liar." He said rising and kissing her on the cheek.

"Hannah Joy McFadden." She corrected him with a wink. "Go do your chores, son. That pie will be cool when you're finished."

"Yes, ma'am." He said and disappeared out the back door. She watched him sprint across the yard to the barn, stopping to give his brother Ford a shove as he did. Ford turned and chased after him, and she watched the brothers laughing run to the barn together. Her heart was filled with nothing but happiness just then. She loved her brothers, and she was forever grateful to the in-laws she'd never met, that she was able to spend her days with their sons. She turned back to the stove and realized it was time to switch out the laundry, again. She smiled inwardly thinking that no matter what else occurred in her life, there would always be laundry.

***7***

Adam looked up as she came down the stairs. She'd stolen one of his shirts, _again. _She reached for her jacket as she hit the bottom step.

"Don't you have any clothes of your own?" He asked rising from where he'd been waiting for her on the couch.

"I like yours better." She smiled at him and he shook his head.

"You stay away from my clothes, Hannah." Daniel said laughing at them. "Adam, there buys at the mercantile, but I send out to New York for my fancy duds."

"You shop at the dollar exchange." Crane said peering over his glasses at his brother. "And why would she wear your smelly clothes. You can wear anything that's mine, Sis." He told her. "As long as you let me borrow that brown skirt of yours." He winked at her.

Evan, who had been sitting at the table beside Crane drinking a glass of water, spit his water out laughing. "If you loan him your skirt, for God's sake make sure I have a camera first!" Evan said, and Crane gently smacked the back of his head.

"You boys get your own dinner tonight." Adam said. "We might be gone for a bit."

"Where you going?" Daniel asked.

"On a hike." He said.

"A hike? You must be crazy! You worked all day and now you're going hiking?" Evan shook his head at Adam.

"I am crazy, you idiot." Adam said. "I just happen to be crazy about Hannah, that's all." He smiled at her and kissed her.

"Oh, go on your hike!" Crane said as his brothers protested their kiss. "Then you can kiss her all you want."

"I aim to." Adam said winking and holding open the door for her.

Guthrie was sitting on the front porch with Brian who was explaining the ins and outs of cleaning a rifle. They looked up.

"Don't worry, Sis." Brian said. "I'll feed the babies for you. You have a nice afternoon."

"Thank you." She said smiling at him. Adam watched as Guthrie followed Brian's step-by-step instructions. He carefully cleaned the rifle.

"Nice work, shrimp." Adam said squeezing the back of Guthrie's neck. "You listen to Brian, he knows what he's talking about. Ask him about the time he shot out Mom's kitchen window on accident."

"Listen here, _Junior_, I never accidently shot a tractor, now did I?" Brian said.

"I told you about that name." Adam said in mock anger. "Don't think you're too big, either, Brian. I can still take you down."

"Sure, old man. Sure. You better not just now, your girl's waiting on you." He said winking at him.

"You are lucky she is, pal." Adam said stretching himself to his full height.

"Who's your money on Guthrie?" She asked him. Guthrie studied his older brothers carefully.

"My money's on you, Hannah. You could kick both their asses without even trying." He grinned.

"Guthrie James McFadden you watch your mouth!" She said shaking a finger at him.

"I can't help it if I was raised by wolves." Guthrie said with a grin.

"I know we can both take him." Adam said with a look at Brian.

"Without breaking a sweat. You clean up your language around the ladies, Guthrie, or we'll tan that hide of yours." Brian said. They laughed and Hannah and Adam walked down the steps together with fingers intertwined.

"Go on and get a coat, you little outlaw." Adam said hesitating at the bottom step and looking back at Guthrie.

"Coat?' Guthrie looked up surprised.

"You coming or not?" Hannah asked, and she grinned as Guthrie sprinted to get his jacket.

***7***

They stood together under the oak, and although extremely curious, Guthrie had said nothing the whole hike. He simply tagged along behind them wondering what they were up to. Adam carried an old backpack, and it wasn't until they reached the oak, that he pulled out what was inside.

It was the box.

His eyes grew wide, but went immediately to Hannah's face, and watching him, Adam felt a wave of love for his littlest brother.

"It's alright, Guthrie." He said.

"Hannah?" Guthrie asked having to see for himself.

"I'm fine, Guthrie. He was trying to apologize, which is a good thing I guess. Some things are hard for me." She explained and Guthrie nodded.

"What was inside it?" He asked her.

"Well, some of it I kept. He sent his Bible, which I have and a letter. He sent some pictures that I can show you later, but you can look and see what else." She told him indicating the box in her husband's hand. Guthrie pulled out the empty whisky bottle and the photo of Hannah with her father.

"This is him?" He asked her.

"Yes." She answered.

"That's you." He said smiling. "Geez, you look little. You look happy though. You were happy even though he wasn't nice. I don't understand that."

"You were happy your whole life long, Guthrie." Adam said to him.

"Yeah, I guess that's true. Some folks would've been surprised by that I guess. 'Course I wasn't really an orphan."

"No." Adam agreed.

"What are you gonna do with it?" Guthrie asked her.

"I'm gonna bury it, and be done with it." She said. "He died a long time ago, but sometimes the past hangs onto us."

"Yeah." He said remembering standing in the rain beside his parents' graves just a few months ago. It was Hannah who had found him and come to him then; sick as she was, she'd stood in the rain with him, and helped him wrestle with his own past.

"You aren't an orphan either, Hannah." Guthrie said and Adam could've kissed him.

"You sure you wanna be a rancher, Guth?" He said instead. "Maybe you should be a preacher."

Guthrie laughed at the idea. "No way! I'd have to wear a suit!"

They dug a hole, and then Adam handed Hannah the box. She looked at the picture one last time before setting it inside. She held the box in her fingers wondering at all the turmoil it had caused. Gently, she set it in the hole, and stepping back she reached for Adam's hand.

"Go ahead, Guthrie." She said and he began to cover it over with dirt. She began to cry as he did, surprised by her own tears and Adam wrapped both arms around her, kissing the side of her face.

"He's dead and buried now, Hannah Joy." Adam said to her as Guthrie worked. "You belong to us. This is your house, your land, your family."

Guthrie finished and turning to face her said, "And you know all about the rules of our house Hannah; no orphans live here." He smiled at her and standing on tiptoe he kissed her on the forehead.

"That's right." Adam agreed smiling down at his brother. They turned and looked out across the valley as the sun began to sink. The two brothers standing with Hannah between them holding onto her hands.

"I'm going back." Guthrie said after a time. "I better help Brian with dinner. He _thinks_ he can cook, but let's face it, he's got nothing on you." He grinned at her.

She nodded and pulled him into a hug. "Thanks Guthrie. Thanks for looking out for me." She kissed his cheek, but he squirmed away from her.

"Easy on the mush." He said smiling at her. "I'll see you at home, _Mom_." He hit the word hard, so that she would understand what he was really saying; what he was too chicken to say. She nodded her voice lost in tears, and they watched him as he ran toward home, his long legs carrying him far away.

"I hate that he'll be grown soon." She said with a sigh. She looked up at Adam and smiling wrapped her arms around him.

"Me too. I remember thinking long ago - I'll be thirty-four when Guthrie is eighteen - and it seemed so far away - a life time. I didn't know it would go by so fast, or that I'd be sorry to see it go." He sighed. "And what about you?" He asked her. "Are you okay?"

She stepped away from him, so that she could really look him in the eye and holding his gaze she smiled so that her dimples showed. "I feel free of it, I guess. It still pains me, but not like before and I guess it is good to know that he felt remorse. It is good to know that in the end he regretted it. But you were right, it doesn't really change anything. It doesn't change me. He lost his hold on me, a long time ago. He was never really my father. You're my family now."

"You got that right girl, and I will be for always; until time itself ends." He leaned in and kissed her deeply.

Later that evening, as they walked across their ranch together under the stars toward the big white house that was their home, she realized that for the first time since the box had arrived - no since even further back than that to when the doctor had held her hand and explained very gently that their would be no baby- that for the first time since then she felt a pure, holy and unexplainable joy, and laughing out loud from it she turned to her husband with a grin and said, "I'll race you home!" But before she'd even finished the sentence she'd already begun to run toward the bright lights of home laughing aloud the whole way back as Adam followed after calling out, "You're a cheater! Girl, you better run!" And he caught up to her just as she reached the steps sweeping her up into his arms, both of them laughing as their brothers came out onto the porch drawn by their laughter. Inside Adam's arms, laughing still, she smiled up at her family, and pausing to kiss her husband she went inside her home filled with love and joy.


End file.
